


Otherwise

by Enneara



Series: Reflections [3]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Sex, Chess, F/M, Friendship/Love, Multiple Selves, Secret Relationship, Symbionts, Trills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 17:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8900878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enneara/pseuds/Enneara
Summary: ‘Everyone’s so convinced you think of me as Curzon that I could straddle you in Ops and they would assume it was an in-joke from the old days.’As Sisko and Dax continue to explore the new dimension of their relationship, they begin to wonder if anyone else on the station has noticed. Sequel to Contrariwise and Phantomwise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I thought I was done with these two. But I guess this is a series now! We’re back in Sisko’s POV for a lot of talking and some chess. Follows straight on from the end of Phantomwise, where we left our heroes in upper pylon three in a state of sartorial distress. Trill xenobiology headcanons as established in Contrariwise. Implied spoilers for Facets.
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who commented or left kudos on the other two fics in the series. You are lovely, and I’m so glad you enjoyed this odd little interlude for our favorite space nerd bros.

‘Well, now that we have seen each other,' said the Unicorn, 'if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you. Is that a bargain?' ~ Lewis Carroll, _Through the Looking Glass_

\----

Sisko’s shirt came down to the top of Dax’s thighs. It left less to the imagination than the dress had.

‘Curse of being tall,’ she said, smiling.

Sisko grinned. ‘Whatever I did to bring this curse down on me, I hope I do it again.’

Dax got into the turbolift and leaned against the back wall. Sisko followed, feeling very naked without his shirt. He wished temporarily that they had left the station at Cardassian temperatures.

‘Habitat ring, corridor C.’

They leaned companionably on each other. Sisko looked down, admiring the sight of her spots trailing from the hem of his shirt all the way down to her toes. ‘We should get our story straight,’ he said.

‘Right. What story is that again?’ She looked at him sideways. ‘An extremely localised subspace anomaly?’

‘You’re the science officer. If anyone can sell that, you can.’

The turbolift stopped. Dax crept forward and peered into the corridor. Sisko tried not to be distracted by how the shirt rode up as she leaned out.

‘It’s clear,’ she said, reaching her hand back to him.

He took it and followed her into the corridor. They crept along, laughing softly, staying close to the wall. Sisko felt joyful, ridiculous, twenty years younger.

‘Wait.’ Dax stopped him with a hand on his bare chest.

Someone was coming around the corner. Several someones, laughing with drink and the aftermath of the Ahkayah Festival. One of the laughs was very familiar.

‘It’s Julian,’ said Dax, eyes wide in panic.

‘Abort,’ Sisko muttered under his breath. They ran back down the corridor and dived into the turbolift.

They fell back against the wall. ‘Benjamin, this isn’t funny,’ protested Dax, although she was laughing as hard as he was.

‘I have a plan.’ His hand went to her waist, slid under the shirt, to the always-shocking coolness of her skin. ‘We go back to upper pylon three. I reclaim my property.’

She raised an eyebrow. ’Much as I like this plan, it doesn’t solve my immediate problem.’

‘I’m getting to that. I assume the upper pylon is still closed off?’

She nodded. ‘I set the system to mark it as off-limits until tomorrow.’

‘In that case, you stay there. I go to the nearest replicator, fetch you a replacement dress, and we both return to our quarters in perfect dignity.’

She folded her arms and eyed him across the turbolift. ‘So, in other words, I have to trust you not to leave me naked on the upper pylon to be discovered by a security patrol in the morning.’

He leaned towards her, looked into her eyes. ‘I thought you trusted me with your life.’

‘With my life, yes. With this, no.’

He laughed. ‘If you have a better plan, Lieutenant, I would be thrilled to hear it.’

She looked away from him, mulling it over.

‘Upper pylon three,’ she commanded, and the turbolift rose.

He helped her out of his shirt, his hands lingering longer than they needed to. Naked again, she stood against the wall, silvery starlight playing on her body.

‘Benjamin,’ she prompted him. ‘My dress.’

‘Of course,’ he said, snapping his fingers, and got back in the turbolift.

Thankfully no one came by the replicator to ask what he wanted with a thigh-slit dress in the small hours of the morning after a love festival. He gathered up the soft fabric and slung it round his neck like an improvised scarf, whistling.

When the turbolift opened onto the upper pylon Dax was sitting in the window, arms around her knees, looking thoughtfully out into space. He paused for a moment just to look at her, dark hair cascading over her shoulders, eyes wide to the wonder of the universe.

‘You came back,’ she said dryly. ‘I’m amazed.’

‘I am a man of my word.’ He laid the dress reverently across his arms. She stood and took it from him, dropping it over her head. He watched how it molded to her body, ran his hand down to the slit in the thigh.

She looked at him from under lowered eyelids. ‘Do you want to go on another trip to the replicator?’

He sighed. ‘I suppose not.’

He escorted her back to her quarters. She opened the door and turned. ‘Well. Good night, Benjamin.’

He stepped back. ‘Good night, Dax.’

There was a moment when they looked at each other, each silently asking the same question. Dax made a what-the-hell face, and said, ‘If you find yourself with some free time on Tuesday evening, I’ll be here.’

He raised an eyebrow. ’Noted.’

She winked at him as the door closed.

*

It turned out he did have some free time on Tuesday evening. And on the following Thursday. And the Wednesday after that. Within a few weeks, they had settled into an almost-rhythm: normal interactions during duty hours, and when they could make the time off-duty, intense, passionate sex, sometimes in out-of-the-way parts of the station, but mostly in Dax’s quarters. 

They were there now, lazy in the afterglow, sitting on the floor playing three-dimensional chess. Sisko was shirtless, and Dax wore a loose robe she hadn’t bothered to tie properly, which gave him a pleasing view of the curve of her breast and the swoop of her spots from waist to hip.

He tore his gaze away and studied the board. ‘Curzon never liked this game. Said it was for — how did he put it? Intellectual poseurs.’

Dax took the bait. ‘That’s because he was terrible at it,’ she said, eyeing him through a gap in the board. ‘This is Jadzia’s game.’

Sisko grinned. ‘And mine.’ He took one of her bishops, and she made a face at him. ‘Jadzia,’ he said thoughtfully. She met his eyes. ‘I wonder sometimes. If we’d met before you were joined with Dax, what would you have thought of me?’

‘Jadzia…’ She smiled, like she was fondly remembering an old friend. ‘Jadzia would have admired you from afar, never even dreamed of making a move, and fantasized at length about you in the privacy of her quarters.’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘Can a Trill woman bring herself to _i’takish_?’

She kicked him lazily under the table. ‘With difficulty, yes. But don’t flatter yourself that the thought of you would be enough.’

He ran his foot up her leg, following the line of her spots. ‘I’m glad. I wouldn’t want my presence to be unnecessary.’

Dax mulled over the board, then moved her knight up a level and forward, taking his rook. ‘It’s ironic. In a way, I have Curzon to thank for actually having the courage to initiate this.’

Sisko rested his chin on his hands, looking at her. ‘Oh, I don’t know. I’m sure you’ve had other hosts who didn’t like playing by the rules.’

‘That’s for sure.’ She smirked and leaned back, her robe falling open. ‘How about you? What do you think you would have made of Jadzia?’

He met her eyes. ‘I think I would have liked her very much.’

Dax looked sceptical. ‘You know she was very different from Curzon.’

‘She still is.’ Sisko bent over the board, finally settled on moving his bishop out of danger. ‘I loved Curzon, you know that. But I didn’t always like him very much.’ Dax looked half-offended, half-amused. Sisko shrugged. ‘Maybe that’s just how it is with commanding officers.’

Dax smiled. ‘Not in my experience.’

He tilted his head, imagining her as she had been: the quiet, studious young woman, without the Dax swagger, the sexual confidence that radiated from her now as she leaned on one arm and regarded him with curiosity. ‘What?’ she asked.

‘Just — thinking. About how strange it must have been for your family. Your parents. To see their daughter go away and come back as someone else.’

She drew the robe around her, speaking slowly. ‘It’s a great honor for a family. And I’d worked for it my whole life. So in a sense they were always preparing for it, just as I was.’ Her expression went faraway. ‘Still, you’re right. I’d sometimes see my mother’s face when I’d say something Jadzia would never have said, or get into an argument with my sister over something Jadzia would have agreed with her about.’

‘Sounds like some conversations I’ve had with Jake over the past few years.’ Dax smiled. Sisko steepled his fingers. ‘People change what they think and how they feel over the course of their lives, joining or no joining.’

‘True enough. But I can tell you — given the choice of believing I changed my mind because of the new perspectives and knowledge I gained when I was joined, and believing that “it’s the symbiont talking”?’ She met his eyes through the board. ‘People will pick the symbiont explanation every time.’

’It’s easier, I suppose. People like to believe that the ones they love stay the same. Just as they like to believe that of themselves. It’s easier to put changes down to a foreign influence than accept that people are more — malleable.’

Dax was looking at him with a strange, soft expression. ‘Do you ever get tired of being so wise?’ she said, teasingly.

He tilted his head with a smile. ‘It’s exhausting. But I get through it.’ He watched her lightly touch a pawn, a rook, a queen, pondering her next move. ‘Did you contact the Symbiosis Commission?’ he asked.

She nodded. ‘I told them I’m ready. They’re going to send someone to the station in a few months.’

‘Good.’ He smiled. ‘My body is at your disposal whenever you require it.’

‘I’m very glad to hear that,’ she drawled, giving him a look.

He wondered whether to ask. ‘How are the dreams?’ he said finally.

She grimaced. ‘Exhausting.’

‘Curzon's still not happy?’

‘No.’ She rubbed her face, looking suddenly tired. ‘Or — maybe. I don’t know how much of it is really him, and how much of it is me projecting onto him how I think he would feel.’

He nodded. ‘Are there ways to tell that? Aside from the _zhian’tara_?’

She was opening her mouth to answer him when the door chimed.

Dax stood up swiftly, belting her robe. Sisko pulled on his shirt and moved to get out of sight, but she gave him a sign to stay put.

‘Dax —’ he hissed.

‘Relax. We’re playing chess. You have a right to be here.’ Still, he saw her shake a little before she composed herself and opened the door.

It was Doctor Bashir. ‘Jadzia. I brought the analyses you asked for.’ He handed her a PADD with a hopeful smile. Sisko saw the infatuation in his eyes, and felt a wave of sympathy for the doctor.

‘Thanks, Julian.’ Dax took the PADD, scanning over it. ‘You didn’t have to bring them in person.’

‘It’s really no trouble.’ His eyes flicked down to her robe. A troubled expression crossed his face. ‘I’m sorry. Am I interrupting —’ 

‘Not at all. We’re just having a game of chess.’

Bashir, tense, looked over her shoulder. Seeing Sisko, he visibly relaxed. ‘Oh. Hello, Commander.’

‘Doctor.’

Bashir turned his attention entirely back to Dax. Sisko might as well have been another curio from a previous host’s collection that happened to be lying around her quarters. Now that he thought about it, that wasn’t so inaccurate. He smiled ruefully to himself.

‘Well,’ said Bashir. ‘I don’t want to interrupt your game.’ He left a pause, obviously hoping Dax would fill it by telling him not to worry and to come on in.

‘Thanks for understanding. It’s just, I have Benjamin right where I want him.’ Dax looked wickedly over her shoulder.

Sisko tried not to choke. He smiled apologetically at Bashir.

Bashir laughed. ‘Well, in that case I’ll leave you to it.’ He looked back at Sisko. ‘Good luck, Commander.’

Sisko met Dax’s eyes. ’I’m sure I’ll need it.’

Dax turned back to Bashir. ‘Good night, Julian.’

Bashir walked away, and the door closed. Dax turned, wide-eyed. ‘See? I told you.’

Sisko crossed his arms, a little put out. ‘Am I so unthreatening that someone can walk in on the two of us practically naked in your quarters and assume we really are playing chess?’

‘We _are_ playing chess,’ said Dax, settling back down opposite him and looking meaningfully at the board. ‘Don’t think just because you’re losing that you get to distract me. And why so grumpy about Julian? I thought you’d be relieved that our little secret is still under wraps.’

‘Oh believe me, I am. I just wish the reason was something other than your greatest admirer not being able to conceive of the thought that you might be interested in me.’

‘I don’t think it’s that side of it he would find inconceivable.’ 

Sisko looked a little sadly at the knotted belt of her robe. She smirked and loosened it, letting it fall open. He sat back in satisfaction. ‘I’ve seen the way Doctor Bashir looks at you,’ he said, making his move. ‘He wouldn’t dream that anyone could be immune to your charms.’

Dax got up on her knees, studying the new configuration of the board. He let his gaze caress her naked body.

‘But you see, that’s exactly it,’ she said animatedly. ‘He thinks you _are_ immune. And so does everyone else. I don’t know why we even ran, that night after the festival. We could have just said we were settling a long-standing bet, or something, and no one would have thought twice.’ She moved a pawn and sat back down. ‘Everyone’s so convinced you think of me as Curzon that I could straddle you in Ops and they would assume it was an in-joke from the old days.’

‘An interesting theory. Maybe we should test it out.’ He grinned at her, and she met it with her own. ‘I don’t exactly blame them. Until recently, I was convinced of it myself.’

‘It’s not like there’s anything about our behavior that could be suspicious, either. I always flirted with you. I just didn’t realize that’s what I was doing.’ Sisko grunted. Dax went on, ‘And we’re not exactly spending more time together. It’s only what we do with the time that’s changed.’

‘Speaking of which,’ Sisko said, his voice low, and laid down his king on its side.

Dax’s eyebrows rose. ‘You’re forfeiting?’

He crawled around the side of the chess board and took her in his arms. ‘Sometimes, a man must accept a small defeat in order to secure a greater victory.’

‘So long as we’re agreed that I won,’ she laughed into their kiss. He deepened it, groaning with need. His hands reached under her robe, shrugged the fabric off her shoulders.

‘Again?’ she said huskily, looking into his eyes, her own bright with desire.

He traced her spots down her body, watching them flare and dim in response to his touch, to her own budding arousal. He shuddered and closed his eyes. ’I don’t think I could ever get tired of this.’

When she spoke, after a pause, her voice was quiet. ’I thought you said we were just getting this out of our system.’

He opened his eyes. She drew back, pulling the robe up onto one shoulder.

He sighed. ‘Yes, I did.’

‘Benjamin,’ she said after a silence. ‘I don’t want to tie you down to something that —’ She sighed, closed her eyes, started again. ‘I’m — this is not what you need.’

‘Who told you that? Curzon?’ She looked away. He spoke in a level voice. ‘Let me tell you what I need. I need a lover who makes me laugh, who knows me from every angle, who is smarter than the whole galaxy and twice as beautiful. I need a lover who understands my work and knows what it takes from me, a lover who gives me pleasure so intense I sometimes need days to recover.’ He smiled, stroking her face with the back of her hand. ‘And that is what I have.’

She was looking at him with a kind of sad hope in her eyes. He waited, in case she had something to say. When she didn’t speak, he kept going.

‘Yes, there are times when this is still strange for me. I’m human. I’m not used to a relationship with these kind of — echoes. I’m not used to seeing the ghost of my old mentor in the eyes of my lover. And I’m not used to breaking the Starfleet fraternization rule twice in different directions every time we do this.’ She laughed under her breath, and he smiled. ‘But.’ He put his hand on hers. ‘Dax. Jadzia. I choose this. If you don’t, that’s all right. But I need it to be your decision. Not Curzon’s, or anybody else’s.’

She nodded. There were tears in her eyes. ‘Benjamin,’ she said, tenderly. She ran her hand down the side of his face. ‘I can’t promise this will last. Like you said, we all change, all the time, and maybe this is just — a changing time for us. I don’t know how I’ll feel after my _zhian’tara_. I don’t know how _you’ll_ feel. But the important thing I need to know is that whatever happens, you’ll still be my friend.’

He had been worried, listening to her, but as she came to an end he laughed. He took her hands in his. ‘Do you really need to ask?’

She shook her head, tears spilling from her eyes. ‘No.’

He brought his hands up to her face, thumbed her tears away. ‘If you want me to go,’ he said. ‘I’ll go.’

She shook her head. ‘Please. Stay.’ Her fingers tilted his chin towards her. She opened her mouth and kissed him, hesitant at first, then with a new urgency. He touched her with deep, passionate attention, rhythmically tapping the spots on either side of her neck until she panted in his ear. He slid the robe off her, concentrated on the sensitive region at the base of her spine, as she took him in her hand and he gasped, trying not to give himself up to his own pleasure until he had brought her to hers. This time, he stayed away from her _sura malikon_. He didn’t want to bring her previous hosts into this: he wanted it, this time, to be about Jadzia.

She always reached _i’takish_ faster the second time around, the hormone already swirling high in her blood, her _sanatara_ knotting and ready to open. As a corollary, the paralysis was less intense: she had more control over her movements, even as the ecstasy rolled through her in waves he could almost see. He worshipped her with his body, let her straddle him and hold him down and take her pleasure from him. He thrust up to meet her, hands gripping the lines of spots on her hips. He said her name, her first name, the name that was only hers, and she said his, again and again, as he lost himself in her.

‘You were so loud,’ he murmured afterwards, stroking her thighs where she was still trembling. ‘I love it when you’re loud.’

Her eyes were closed, her breathing heavy. ‘You know — the doors — aren’t soundproof. Someone walking by — they could have heard something.’

He traced a line across her collarbone with his fingers. ‘What do you suppose they would think?’

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

‘An in-joke from the old days,’ they said at the same time, and fell into laughter.

She rolled onto her side, laying her leg across him possessively. ’Maybe, after all, this is the most Curzon thing I could have done,’ she said dryly. ’Rebelling against everyone. Including him.’

‘I think, in an odd way, he would appreciate that.’ He kissed her forehead. ’Anyway. You think you’re the only one? Curzon was my commanding officer. If it’s anyone’s prerogative to rebel against him, it’s mine.’

’So this is all part of your long game?’

‘Old man, you’re going to have to get older still if you want to see my long game.’

Dax chuckled. She was drifting, her voice getting that faraway, beloved softness _i’takish_ brought. ‘I have an idea. We both go into Ops tomorrow limping and covered in lovebites and see what everyone’s theories are.’

‘A swarm of Cardassian voles.’

‘Replicator malfunction.’

‘An exploding plasma conduit.’

‘If Julian asks, I’m just going to look straight at him and say, “Well, how do _you_ play chess?”’

Sisko laughed, feeling it reverberate through her body as well as his own. He tapped her gently on the arm. ‘Can I suggest we move to the bed? We’re not all on the right side of forty.’

‘Try being on the wrong side of three hundred,’ she mumbled, curling into him. He sat up, lifting her gently and carrying her across the room, winding his way between mementoes and curiosities, and finally laid her on the bed. He joined her, sliding across to hold her, wrapping his arm around her. She pushed back into him, sighing contentedly. ‘Benjamin,’ she said sleepily.

‘I’m here,’ he said.

*

In the night she woke, gasping. A light sleeper ever since Jake was born, Sisko was awake and alert in seconds. Dax was facing away from him, lying on her side. He heard her chanting quietly, a Trill mantra the universal translator couldn’t make sense of. Her breathing gradually slowed.

‘Dax?’ He reached, hesitantly, to touch her shoulder. She turned over and greeted him with tired eyes. ’Was it Curzon?’ he asked.

‘Among others.’ She pinched her forehead. ‘It’s like they all — want out.’ Her voice sounded unlike itself, light, scared. He wondered if it was Jadzia he was hearing. ’I shouldn’t have put off my _zhian’tara_ this long. I feel like every time I wake up I have to spend half an hour figuring out who I am.’

Sisko furrowed his brow. ‘Maybe me being here isn’t helping.’

‘No, actually,’ Dax said, her voice back to its usual dryness. ‘You being here narrows it down to two possibilities. And you being in my bed resolves any remaining confusion pretty fast.’ She gave him a mocking smile.

He pulled her close, so their bodies were touching, her breasts against his chest, her legs twined with his. ‘You’re Jadzia.’ He touched her face tenderly, looked into her eyes. ‘You’re here.’

She kissed him, opening her mouth to the lazy sensuality that he hoped could keep her grounded, remind her this body was her own. They fell asleep that way, folded together, and this time she didn’t wake again until the morning.


End file.
